African American Males by 2 Sisters

For sometime now I have been taking a poll. Asking women, particularly “Sisters”, their view on today’s African American Males that they come in contact with on a daily basis. This week I have decided to write down the feedback and share my findings. Two sisters' opinions stuck with me. I want to share them with you now:

Sister 1:

"What is that a man really wants? You guys seem very indecisive and confused. Why has it that with all the men out here not working or don’t want to work and other imperfections that you guys have consumed through the years how is that you guys have the nerve to be picky?  So many of us woman have had to” man-up”, lack of a better phrase, and take on responsibilities that men should be handling. We woman do whatever we can to appear to be the “ideal “woman in financial, physical, mental, and emotional areas. We try to be “superwomen”. We sometimes conform when we shouldn’t. We try to be that man’s “everything.” And yet and still it’s never enough to men; especially Black men. May sound crazy to some; maybe even some men who may be reading this but sorry to say it’s the truth.

It’s becoming real tired the boo-hoo from guys that say they “want a strong black woman” “A woman that‘s intelligent and attractive, God-fearing, family –oriented, faithful, loyal, honest fun-loving, 36-24-36, blah, blah, blah but it appears to be seen that it still is not enough for men, including being a lady in the streets and a freak in the bedroom. How is that we have to become so much for men but we still see and hear men in 2008 that are lazy, out of shape, over-weight,  sometimes we don’t always  get the freak in the bedroom, bald, lazy, irresponsible, they want to be thugs, on the corner hustling, inarticulate, not taking care of their children and other responsibilities, mooching off of women,  hygiene is a disgrace, cheating, dishonest, deceitful, down-low, unmotivated, uneducated, hanging downtown during the day and just don’t want to work Hasn’t everyone noticed how the rate of women in the job market continues to increase and  the rate of men decreased or is at a stand still?  I mean I’m not exactly knocking the brother hustling but I’m not cosigning it either. There’s an extreme number of brothers who really don’t have to go that route but they’re brainwashed. They want the easy and fast way to everything. It’s said that the most feared and powerful thing is a Blackman with a book in his hand that can read it, understand it and use it to obtain his wealth.

Why is it that women that aren’t married or have a boyfriend still have to have idiotic questions or statements made such as “something must be wrong with her” because she’s not or doesn’t? That’s not always the case. You’d be surprised that there are a number or percentage of women that don’t want to get married and sexual preference is not the factor. These are successful, strong and heterosexual women who feel this way. It’s their choice. And we women do not get the award for being crazy either. Have you read the papers lately men killing their girlfriends because they’ve broken off the relationship? I think a lot of men forgot where their original place is. I think a lot of men forgot what the true definition of a man is and what it entails to be a MAN and it has nothing; absolutely nothing to do with how women you have “dipped” in or played games with. That’s a man that’s a health risk. What gives the men the right to become so picky when a lot more men today don’t have themselves together financially, mentally, physically and emotionally? It’s like a catch 22 or a double edge sword of some sort for women. The correct statement is there are a lot of guys out here but there aren’t enough MEN out here.

I love my Black brothers to the fullest. He’s without a doubt an extraordinary and unique individual and I commend those who are doing the right thing but we women are baffled. A lot of this was said to not knock my brothers or men in general down but to try to get an understanding or even figure out what’s really going on out here. To find some sort of answer. The question still remains: what do men want? Do men really, REALLY know what they want?"

Sister 2:

"I whole-heartedly agree with her statements. I think that there are an increasing number of men who don’t want to work. What I find are men who are deeming themselves as “entrepreneurs” to entice a woman, then it turns out they’re just unemployed and trying every networking marketing scheme out there because they believe the hype. And yes, I do think that men are overly picky with the type of woman they want. And what’s really aggravating is they want a good woman who’s educated, has her shit together and then they turn around and have arguments and fights with that woman, because she is motivated and he feels left behind. An unemployed, no-good man deserves the same in a woman. Unfortunately there are so many women who are desperate for attention that they settle for these undeserving men because they believe they can change a man and set him right, he just needs her. That’s crap and women need to stop deluding themselves."

Now as a Black man, I find this disheartening that sisters feel this way. Of course they don't mean all of us but a large number nonetheless. We do need to get ourselves together and represent for our women, families, and communities. We must learn to be better husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, and yes...friends.

Way too often are we the subject of this type of observation. Men/Brothers need to work on their social skills, (1) for better overall representation (2) So that we will be the positive majority and not the occasional exception when it comes to the treatment of our most prized asset, our women. Like everything else, mentality overhaul takes time and change. My opinion is that it must begin early on, in the playground, where the first social interactions begin. Fathers need to teach their sons the true mantle of a woman’s worth. Sometimes, unfortunately a mom must be a dad in this regard. We must learn to see them not as sexual objects but as Beautiful Queens with souls. We all respect and appreciate our mothers for rearing and protecting us as children. Our mentalities should be such to the fact that we view our sisters as future mothers and wives, to be cherished, protected, and respected.

With the current climate showing us that more sisters are making it and are achieving greater success in the corporate world, legitimate business and colleges, Brothers need to step their game up and embrace the achievements of our women. My thought has always been if you can romance a successful woman and win her, what does that say about you?

Clearly she is no dummy and has seen some worth in you. We must be positive and goal oriented. It is the only way to level the playing field and bring back quality in the arena of male/female relationships especially in our communities.

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Learn to Learn, Learn to Live, Learn to Love, Learn to Respect...RAHMAN S.

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